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Posts Tagged ‘love’

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Here’s a little look inside my church office…specifically, this is the conversation pit. Many in depth talks have been held here.

This is where the church elders study, pray, and meet on church matters.

This is where the deacons often meet to work together for the care of those within our church and the community around us.

At other times, it’s where I sit with perspective married couples, people who are struggling, or people looking for an ounce of guidance.

Finally, this is where I sit and talk at times with people who have concerns, frustrations, or misunderstandings with me or within the church family.

I love this area because in all of these situations, this is often where understanding or healing happens.

In honor of the heart of this little space, I wanted to build on last week’s post concerning gossip. I want to suggest some best practices when it comes to communication during struggles that may be of interest to you.

– Ask yourself, does this warrant a conversation?

To be honest, sometimes our topic of interest can be more hurtful than beneficial. Sometimes, it is our self focus or frustration levels that convinces us that we need to get it off our chest and on to someone else. However, at times, this can just be a transfer of emotional weight with no real effort at a conversation that benefits both of you.

It’s best to pray over and take a moment before you enter into a conversation. It may just be something that you just need to let go of. It might be something that is flared up inside you because of another root cause or maybe your position is wrong. Having some time with the Lord to find if it’s wise to have the conversation is a great first step.

However, for many of us who don’t like conflict, it’s easy to talk ourselves into not talking to someone about an issue and then letting things back up on us. If it’s an issue that needs some conversation or some better understanding on… move to the next step.

Invite the other person to a conversation. If it’s needed and you don’t, you will lose control of your input.

Let me explain.

For some, we like to go silent when there’s a concern and thus withdraw. In reality, do you know what this leads to? Division.

The people who love you feel shut out and no longer know how to reach out to you. You start to feel more and more on the outside like no one cares. In a church environment, you stop fellowshipping, stop serving as part of the body, and set up a situation for you to feel like you are on the outs.

You may think by pulling your voice back that it’s keeping a division from happening. Not so.

Most of the time, you end up talking with someone about the concern with someone else to get it out there someplace instead of being stuck in you. You may even do so with a pure desire for input and advice. However, now it’s out there and they are bound to tell someone else. They may even have good intentions to get you help you when they don’t know how to but none the less, others now control your input.

It’s better to invite someone to the “conversation pit” than to have them invite you because you were unwilling to make the first move.

Bring Grace to the Conversation

Often times, when we are frustrated with someone else in a moment, we forget how much we love them. I have seen people accuse some of their closest friend of horrible things they know in their hearts that person would never do. Breathe. Remember who they are. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask questions instead of accusing them.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4: 29

– Expect a Two Sided Conversation

When you bring a concern to someone, they should listen and try to understand your perspective. However, they deserve the same from you.

If your only goal is to make them see and accept your reality, you are not looking for a conversation. A conversation is a meeting of two perspectives that let both sides walk away with a better and bigger understanding.

I have had people come to me with concerns that I listen to and repeat back to them to make sure I understand. Then, when I offer some information that they might now know or a perspective they may not be aware of, get angry at me. They weren’t looking for understanding, they were looking to unload. The key is to listen and speak on both sides to grow together in love and truth.

Get it all out!

If you have two or three things bothering you, don’t just choose one and ignore the others. Sometimes we pick and choose so we don’t come off like we are complaining too much or are overly needy. The problem is, the opposite usually happens. When we address one thing and leave with a hug, Satan will stir up the other concerns in short measure. The next thing you know, the relationship is strained again and the other person is trying to figure out what happened this time. Get it out on the table and let the conversation and love pour over it.

Give Mercy to Offenses 

Time to forgive. While there are those who abuse your mercy that you need to protect yourself from, most times there is no such thing as too much forgiveness. You will need their mercy … freely give yours.

Leave supporting each other

The goal is not to leave a conversation agreeing 100% with each other’s perspective. The goal is understanding and supporting one another. It’s unity, growth, and when ever you can…. a hug.

Time after time, I have seen people walk in my door frustrated, depressed, or hurting and after a honest and loving conversation are refreshed and renewed. The common comment is “I feel so much better after we talked about this.” We could all do well practicing healing through communication more.

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…” Ephesians 4:15

Pastor Tom Hypes
http://www.tsflife.com

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Have you ever found a baby bird that had fallen from it’s nest and tried to nurse it to a healthy life? It’s possible but not easy.

Once the baby bird has lost it’s way, often times the mother bird abandons it to the elements, leaves it unprotected from predators, and suffers it to starve for provision.

It reminds me of a proverb in the Bible. Proverbs is a collection of sayings from King Solomon who had asked God for wisdom which is displayed in these eternal truths.

As I skimmed through Proverbs 27, I came across verse 8 that says….

“Like a bird that strays from it’s nest is a man who strays from his home.”

Often times, people find themselves feeling like they have fallen out of the nest. They are lost, exposed, and hurting with similar feelings to the baby bird fallen to the ground.

As I did a quick study of some of the reasons birds stray from their nest, it struck me that it’s similar of how people stray from home (a life with Christ).

Weather – Storms and unexpected wind currents often times will knock a young bird right out of it’s home in the same way the storms of this life can do to us. A move, job loss, family member passing, addiction and other challenges leave us feeling lost and beaten.

Inexperience – Juvenile birds making their first migration without the lead of a mature bird often times undershoot or overshoot their destinations. Sometimes, we too head boldly on a path without instruction, mentorship, or God’s map to find where He was leading us all along.

Wanderers – Some types of birds have been known to simply be wanderers and undertake destinations that are not within their normal environments. In the same way, we sometimes look for places that are not ours but it just seems the “grass is greener on the other side”. These situations can show up as marital affairs, shortcuts that lead to failure in the work place, or going against God’s ways to obtain something we want in the moment.

Whatever the reason, falling out of the “nest” leaves us feeling just as hungry, lonely, and abandoned as the infant robin alone on the ground. However, the good news is God does not abandon us there like a mama bird does to her young. He is just a whisper away willing to offer you forgiveness, direction and provision when you lean back into Him to find mercy and grace abounds!

In Matthew 23: 37, Jesus refers to himself as a mother hen who longs to gather her chicks (you and me) under her wings (for protection, love, and care) but that often times, we are unwilling.

Will you choose to not “stray” but “stay” with the Lord? Trust me, it’s much better in the nest.

Pastor Tom Hypes
theshepherdsfellowship.org

(If you have a topic you would like Pastor Tom to blog about, feel free to drop all ideas to tom@theshepherdsfellowship.org)

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You’ve probaly heard it a million times…. “God loves you.”

You’ve probaly seen it at a football game or learned it as a kid… John 3:16

You can believe it to be true and still have feel you lost the awe, the wonder, and the passion of that love… that truth… and how it changes everything… or should…

Join us as we take a deep look at John 3:16 and the surronding verses from a fresh perspective! No cliches. No broad brush strokes. Just the truth and heart of a God who loves you so very much… no matter what.

As part of our study, we will be hosting a dear friend who will share about what God’s love means to him. He is leaning into a new life foundation while moving out from a struggle with drug addiction. Drug addiction and substance abuse is becoming a big problem in the states, if you are addicted or know someone who needs help, please visit this article about how to help someone suffering from substance abuse on Fist Step.

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There are many positives to being a relational person and being a pastor. You get to partner with many in life with deeper relationships, and see how God moves in other’s lives.

One of the hardest parts though is when people draw close to you when they need help or are going through hard times but then bolt again once the life of this world gets a little easier. It is heartbreaking when people come for an ounce of hope in a dark season but walk away from a eternal spring of power that’s inviting them in Christ. So many people walk right back into lives of struggle, bad decisions, and/or loneliness (even though they found a boyfriend or girlfriend that they think is going to fix everything only to be dumped a few months later).

While the door is always open for them to come back, it still hurts to watch them go through more struggle they could avoid with Christ and Christian community in their life.

The point of this is if it breaks my heart, I am certain that it breaks our Savior’s heart even more. So many in this world come to Him for a quick fix when things are rough and then walk away again instead of following Him. We see it time and time again in Jesus’ life and far too often in our world today. It breaks His heart when we use Him like a parachute instead of falling into His arms as our salvation.

If this is you, know that He too keeps the door open and would love for you to turn around today. He too would like to give you a new life instead of just patching up a hole and walking back out the door. He is a relational God and He wants to have a relationship with you.

If I can help you in any way with that, feel free to touch base.

Pastor Tom Hypes
tom@theshepherdsfellowship.org

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Lead Pastor Tom Hypes’ message will be focusing on Jesus’ best friend here on earth, Peter. He was a man who had a lot of great moments as He followed Jesus but he also has a list of mistakes and failures a mile long. If you are not perfect, none of us are. You are not alone. Peter’s story will be one you can relate to and be encouraged by.

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As we wrap up the “Mountains” series, we come to talk about the key that moves us from fear of the struggles in this life to enjoying the freedom of Christ!
Each step of the way, we explored the Bible for key points and advice of how to move forward into freedom. However, for many of us, we continue to struggle in the same cycles as before. This is because there is one core truth that opens the door to moving forward that mere “best efforts” for change fall short.
Join us this week as we explore that truth that makes all the difference.

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Pastor Tom returns from his vacation in Alaska and brings some thoughts with him from God’s Word and His creation!

We all face different kinds of challenges in our lives that invite us to worry, stress, and fear. However, in Christ, there is a promise that we can have peace in the midst of the struggles.

Why do we find it so hard to hold on to this kind of peace?
(more…)

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