As much as I am not an Oprah fan (at all), I did Tivo today’s episode out of curiosity about the person being interviewed, Ted Haggard. Even as a somewhat conservative guy, I knew nothing about him before his “fall”. I knew about as much as most as it unfolded. During that time, while there is repercussion to the decisions we make, I was bothered by some of the actions I saw within the church towards partnering (or not) with him in the healing. I have heard little pro and con since and so to hear from him and his wife was of interest.
I was very impressed with what Ted, his wife, and his family had to say and share in the episode. If you missed it, he was everything I hoped he would be. He was honest, open, caring, and loving. Even with those who I feel did not partner with him from a Christian perspective during that time, he defended their intentions when they were brought up. I believe from what I saw that he deeply loved those in the church in Colorado and wanted to apologize to them for the mistakes he made. His family is a testimony of what love and commitment is through the darkest of days. He believes in Jesus Christ, His body as revealed in the Church, and in real struggle of who we are and moving forward to holiness in the reality of messiness.
While many will not agree with him, I think they have to give him credit for knowing the complexities of His belief (as well as mine) that there is a sinful element to homosexulaity. I was taken by his constant effort of being real to his struggle instead of trying to put a quick title on himself of straight or homosexual (he defines himself as a heterosexual with complexities). I can see how that will cause frustration for people on both sides of the conversation but his refusal to going back to saying or acting like an ideal for anyone was telling in a good way.
Well, I can go on and on about it but I’m tired. I think the main point I wanted to make was this, I think the church as a whole failed Ted as much as he feels he failed the church. Probaly more. For someone to be struggling, no matter what the struggle, and not feel at home to share that without fear of being “kicked out” is disgusting, sad, and disheartening. IF the “church” was open to getting into the messiness of who we each are as humans, the pain and bondage of the enemy in our lives would greatly be diminished. In other words, if Ted reads this and is ever in Ohio, let’s hook up for some lunch. My treat. I’d love to encourage you and I am sure you have things to offer that would encourage me.
If you want more info on that, there is a documentary on Ted getting ready to run on HBO if you get it.
Church….I think we learned something with the abuse towards struggling Christians in the past (Jim and Tammy Fay Baker, Michael English, Amy Grant). However, I think, for the most part, we have subsituted this failure with another, ignore it ever happened and shove them quietly as possible under the rug (Ted Haggard, Ray Boltz). I am not saying let’s not call sin, sin. That would be wrong when it comes to the Truth. But let’s pick up the slack in talking about love by actualy loving. Again, balance.
All that said, geesh, pray for me in my dislike of Oprah. I get so annoyed with those trying to push thier agenda and I lose patience. Pray for me…..
Emerging Conservative 
good post tom. interesting to watch the story unfold.
Thanks Andrew – Stop by any time!
That was a good post Tom. I myself, like you, didnt know much about him before the “incident” but one thing is for sure…when i saw him on GMA, i really liked what he said, what his wife said & how they ‘appeared’. His wife truly is a great christian…to stay with a person after the things he did. I would have a hard time trusting him again…maybe she dealt with it better due to the fact that it was a man and not another woman. hahaha
After all he has done though…i wouldnt want him in church’s again. What kind of pastor does such things, lies & covers it up to all & then when he gets caught..says ok, i did it…Lord forgive me & help me through. He obviously didnt reach out too hard when he was using drugs & screwing men…seems to me he should have sought help sooner than he did…but i would welcome him in my home…just wouldnt leave him around my son.
Hey Candice,
Thanks for chiming in! You raise some talking points. Let me bring up two.
Should he ever be in Christian leadership again? I do not know the fine line on that one. To be honest, I would not say, he can NEVER be a pastor again because of what he had done in his past. For instance (but kinda of an apples to oranges comparison), Saul persucuted Christians and then became one of the greatest heros of the faith. It took forgivness, discipline, learning, and others in his life to get there but he got there.
Now granted, he wasn’t a Christian when he did those deeds but where does mercy and grace find those lines. Everyone here (Marion, Ohio) know that I was arrested about 20 years ago taking money at a place I worked at. There are those in that situation that have yet to forgive me. They would never come to my church since I am the pastor. I was a Christian then and up for a youth leader role in the church I was in. I was a hyprocrite. However, through those who did not give up on me andwalked that road with me, God did somehting beautiful with it.
I guess I would not say he should never be able to pastor again but what has to happen before that ever happened. Then again, he’s not saying he should go back to pastoring so not sure what that means to the discussion.
Second thought, as the church as a whole do we need to be careful of where we draw lines. What brought this up was your comment that you wouldn’t leave him alone with your kid. While I can understand that in your humaness, is that fair? He’s not a pedifile. He never raped little boys. Should a downfall due to lying about homosexual sex with a male hooker and drug use equal “stay away from my kids”?
Random thoughts…..
ok..so maybe not with younger childern…but if i had an older son. For me personally, I wouldnt want someone preaching who has done the things he has…for now. But as you stated, where do we draw the line? Where does it begin & end? For we are all human & Lord knows we’re here to make mistakes & learn/grow from them. What would happen if no one forgave anyone? hahahah REALLY…WHERE WOULD WE BE?! hahahaha The situation on a whole…not good…but i love the fact that his wife loves him soooo much, that she stayed. Is that really fromt the love she has inside herself or is it the love that she prayed for in her time of need. some people have it in them & other have to pray really really hard & look/listen for the way to be shown.
Off subject…I have been praying for God to take away this anger & hurt i have inside of me since i was abused & my daughter was hurt. My days are full of happiness but i stop & think of him…this feeling comes over me!!! It has actually caused (what the Dr.’s say) anxiety…wont take anything for it cause God gave us these great machines that really work better without drugs. So my question is this…where do i begin to find forgiveness for him? The sounds of my daughters screams resonate in my head when i think of what happened. Mostly, I have come to the conclusion that God can forgive him…i can just move on.
some thoughts?
Hey candice,
I agree with you on his wife – very strong lady to walk that road. Much respect……
The last part of your blog is very honest. I first want to say how unbelivably sorry I am that you and your daughter went through that. I can not even pretend to imagine what that would feel like or the struggles to come with it. I am thankful God has brought you at least out of it and the strength you would have needed just to get this far.
I don’t have a magic answer for that one. I have seen people forgive over unspeakeable offenses and marvel at thier strength. I am challanged in my own life to forgive as one who has recieved much grace.
Someone in my family’s ex husband chooses to be a jerk and physicaly abused her. If it was not for my mother holding me back saying if I retaliated that it would hurt the court case against him, I would have beaten him quite severaly. It has been more than a decade and I still have strong feelings in that area where I have no respect for him. Now, I have learned how to corner it to move on but I can’t say I have forgiven him. Even now, I sometimes struggle with disgust for him.
If he came to me and truely had changed his life, I would probaly embrace him but with a leary eye for evidence that it is not a scam.
Sometimes I think about forgivness and outside of my call to pass on grace, what’s the point? I tend to think it’s a freedom issue. If I can forgive him enough to have personal freedom in Christ, is that it? I got to be honest, I’m rambling now.
I am glad God has given me the growth to feel free in that area with him but I don’t know if I’m at a point of total forgivness where I don’t still hate what he did. I don’t think I’m suppose to just accept that. It was ugly, evil and wrong. Maybe I’m just not suppose to punch him =)
There is no easy answer, just a process to work through. A process that is easier with people who love you and the ministring of the Holy Spirit. A process that may mean some counseling which is more than normal and can be a big help.
I will be praying…….Bless you and your daughter.
Thomas